Scars. They are the reminder of past pain. They are the door that will lead us to our hurt. They may have wounds under them that are begging for attention. They may be hard to look at or even hard to find. They are not just physical scars, but emotional scars too. Leftover debris from a wreckage we wished never happened.
If you could see under my skin you would see the scars, not only from breast cancer, but scars I bear from childhood. These are from growing up without knowing my biological father, from agreeing with a spirit of perfectionism and unworthiness for years, and from allowing my identity to come from the opinion of others. Scars that I am just now discovering. Maybe even generational scars, scars I was born with.
These scars are like doors that have been begging for someone to open them, begging for someone to ask for it’s purpose. Why is this scar here? Why does this always happen? What’s behind this? Oh how brave you have to be, but oh what healing is behind the hurt. Your healing is behind the hurt. My healing is behind the hurt. We can heal these scars now and not pass them along to our children.
What stories are your scars ready to tell
You know the hurt. You know how it feels when that memory or person or smell comes by. You may not even know why you get so upset when your child is called a name or you see a swimming pool or hear a particular song, but your mind and body remember.
Now is the time to deal with this scar. By scar, I also mean wound. Some memories may have healed a bit, but some memories may feel like open wounds. Scar or wound, we want to address them both. No longer with this memory or trauma hold you captive. No longer will you avoid things or be angry or incomplete because of this. Now is the time to heal. You can do the work and follow the signs back to the place that birthed this memory. It may feel like an open wound when you find it. Submit it all to God.
Oftentimes, asking for forgiveness for believing lies about this experience is a first step. Then forgiveness for the person that hurt you and forgiveness for yourself. Forgiveness is always to key.
At this point in my life, I’m dealing with scars from breast cancer. As I look at my literal scar, it reminds me of what I feel I have lost, specifically my womanhood. My physical scar is the door for me to discover the emotional scars. It’s hard to feel pretty or desirable or even like a woman without breasts. You look odd, clothes fit weird, your son asks if you’re a boy, lots of things. Yes, I could just go get the reconstruction, but my body isn’t ready for that yet. I’m not ready to be cut again. I take my scars and my emotional wounds and I submit them to God. I ask Him to show me whatever I need to deal with. Then some ideas come to my mind.
“God, forgive me for believing my womanhood is based on my physical appearance. Forgive me for believing the lie that I am only beautiful if others say so. Forgive me for living off of the attention from others and wanting to be desired for my physical appearance. God, I say yes to Your forgiveness and I accept it. I also forgive myself for believing these lies. I release all unworthiness, shame, and embarrassment about losing my breasts and having breast cancer. I ask you Lord to write Your truth about me, about my beauty, about womanhood, about my identity, in my heart, my mind, my spirit. Lord, I want to be filled with Your truth and with Your beauty. In Jesus name and for Your glory. Amen.”
Find your scar, find your healing
You may wonder things like: Why am I always so angry? Why do I never feel good enough? Why can I not lose this weight? Why does it hurt me so badly when people say that? Here are some ideas to help you answer those questions.
1. Take it all to God. Bring all your questions before the Lord. Submit yourself and your scars. Cover it all with the blood of Jesus and ask the Spirit to reveal what you need to see.
2. Be quiet. Turn everything off. Put everything down. And listen. Close your eyes. Listen to what your body, your heart, your mind, is telling you. Go wherever your spirit takes you, trusting it will lead you to the exact destination that you need to be. Even if its scary. Continue. Healing is just beyond the hurt.
3. Self-evaluate. Ask yourself questions. What issues do I avoid? What parts of my life do I have trouble remembering? This can be a clue of where your hurt lies. What brings anger or silence or resistance or fear?
4. Write. Write. And keep writing. It’s like cleaning out a closet. Just keep going. You will find more that needs to come out. *I will be sharing ideas about journaling soon if you need some help to get started.
5. Talk. Find a friend that has the ability to listen. Be very particular about who you tell your story to. Not everyone should be trusted with your hurt. As you talk about your hurt or memory, you will quickly find your scar. You can also ask your friend where they think your scars are. Sometimes others can see your pain before you do.
6. Learn from others. Read their stories, listen to their podcasts, follow them on social. Their words will give you courage. Their stories will stir your heart and help get you started.
7. Find your people. Get together. Meet with people that have the same desire as you – to uncover their scars and heal. Pray for God to lead you to the right people for this group. Around seven years ago a friend of mine did this. God put ten ladies on her heart. This group has been one of the biggest blessings of my life. I have discovered and healed many wounds here.
8. See a counselor. Take the time to go to a professional that has the experience and expertise to help you. This is a great way to invest in yourself and your future. No amount of education, Botox, working out, or Louis Vuitton will heal your scars. You have to do the work.
Some extra thoughts
A prayer of protection and rebuking the plans of the enemy is always a great place to start before you do any work.
If the memories become too heavy, you stop. You put your thoughts in a mental box and close the lid. Then go do something physical to change gears. You have the ability to take this box out whenever you feel ready.
Have someone to call that can support you.
Walking or some type of physical activity is a great way to get unstuck and can work as a final processing piece with your work. When you walk, you use both sides of your brain. This allows for your thoughts to connect, solutions and resolutions to appear.
Now is the time
You may be thinking about doing this. You may feel a smidge of motivation. Don’t lose it. Start. Then share about it. Tell your people. Let your social media community support you. Share with me. Share with a friend. Just share with someone. Sharing will take your healing to the next level.
Be brave! Your healing is just behind your hurt.
To God be the Glory!
Share on your social!